How spiritual bypassing, and the accepted behavioral norms in society, breed narcissists, psychopaths and narcissistic behavior.
Spiritual Bypassing is a really interesting term introduced by John Welwood, a Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist, back in the 80s.
A spiritual bypass or spiritual bypassing is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”.
In a nutshell therefore, it’s how we use spiritual concepts to avoid dealing with the ugly truth of life that faces us sometimes.
But the even uglier truth we’re facing right now is that we live in a world riddled with ego-driven narcissistic and psychopathic behavior - and so many of us are unhappy with it.
So what are the beliefs and behaviors we engage in that enable narcissists and psychopaths to get away with the fraud and lies they are currently perpetrating?
It’s their journey and choice: victim, perpetrator and bystander
In any forgiveness situation you actually have three positions:
- The perpetrator or person committing the act or offense
- The victim or person who is being treated incorrectly
- The bystander(s) or people who stood by and allowed it to happen or watched it happen and did nothing
Very often, spiritual bypassing makes you guilty of the third position - you stand by and watch something happen when you can interfere and do something about it.
The reason we give?
It’s their choice. Their truth. Their journey is subjective and we are each on our own journey.
Truth is not subjective, it’s absolute. If you read every religious text they all carry the same message essentially.
It doesn’t matter the religion or practice, they all promote forgiveness, love, acceptance, freedom, hope, gratitude, faith and more.
The moment you make truth subjective according to someone else’s level you are guilty of making it okay for them to perform that act.
You are just as guilty if you watch something happen and do nothing to stop it, as if you committed the act yourself.
We are meant to interfere - we’ve just made it okay to sit on the sidelines and be lazy, because interfering means actual hard work.
Free forgiveness and unconditional love
Unconditional love is a terribly dangerous concept - it literally means that the person does not have to return your love or meet any requirements but you can still love them wholly.
This is how people land up sitting around for years pining for unrequited love.
If you took away the idea that love can be unconditional, or one-sided, then people would not be able to hide in this idea that they love someone who doesn’t love them back.
The simple idea that love requires the agreement of both people consciously would clarify a lot of problems.
Read more about unconditional love at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/unconditional-love-perpetuating-a-lack-of-personal-responsibility
More insidious though, is what unconditional love presupposes: free forgiveness.
If you love someone unconditionally then you will forgive anything and everything they do. To do anything less than that would be unGodlike.
So narcissists now have a free reign to perpetrate anything they want - and the empath or spiritual journeyer is at fault if they can’t find forgiveness for them.
Forgive everyone, because everyone is special in the eyes of God
But the forgiveness doesn’t extend to just partners though, it must extend to everyone. Because that’s what Jesus did.
Yes well, Jesus was an exceptional man who had reached the top of his journey. And he still threw over tables and chased people with whips.
He had a particular hatred for bankers and money lenders in fact.
And the free forgiveness myth? It’s a myth.
Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
- Matthew 7:21
This idea of absolute forgiveness and entitlement to God’s grace is a lie that became widely accepted because it was easy to swallow.
You still have to follow the rules - which means make amends, atone, redeem yourself and rectify the imbalance.
The idea of free forgiveness makes it easy for narcissists to walk in our circles - all they have to do is point a finger and say that you are unGodlike because you aren’t taking whatever BS is thrown at you.
It’s our job to heal and love everyone
And of course this means we must only ever see the good in them and never point out anything bad about someone.
Why? Because ego gets offended when you point out a ‘flaw’ and ‘criticize’ someone.
But ego can’t take responsibility for feeling inferior when that flaw is pointed out, so it PROJECTS (2nd P of Ego) that out onto you, labeling you egotistical for saying it.
Read more about the 7Ps of Ego at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/the-7ps-of-ego-understanding-ego-and-easily-solving-issues-with-mirrors
So we must only look for the good in people - and then we feel guilty when we see something bad in someone.
And because we’ve never had practice facing these kinds of conversations, we go back to avoiding.
So all the narcissist has to do is push you far enough to make you feel inferior, which they are always adept at doing with statements like:
- What do you actually know about this? About anything?
- You don’t know me.
- Oh, you call yourself spiritual….
The list of comments is endless.
And worse than that?
You can take almost any comment anyone would make and you can twist to sound narcissistic and label that person a narcissist.
People can only see from inside themselves. They are limited by paradigm blindness: the highest level of their understanding.
Read more on paradigm blindness at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/spiritual-jargon-that-will-greatly-simplify-your-journey
Don’t do anything that others judge as bad or unGodlike
Again - subjective spiritual journeys and where you are. Everyone has a different opinion about what good and bad is.
I value truth highly and others value relationships more.
So in a situation of informing someone their partner is cheating, I’d say out them. Break privacy and tell the truth, because it is wrong to leave people living under a lie.
Those that are all-loving and relationship focused will say, no, leave the other partner in the dark, to live their happy life.
From my subjective point of view that is the most horrible thing you can do to someone. And coming out of a relationship where it was done to me recently, I can’t even tell you the havoc living under a lie wrought in my life. It’s not something I would want to subject anyone to.
But for someone who has put their Twin Flame bond into the first place, the idea that anything like this could come externally and threaten their happiness is too much to swallow. They’d rather live with the guilt and burden of a lie.
For them, personal happiness immediately is worth a lie. For me, discomfort immediately is worth the truth.
Which of us is right? Or more right?
Take the cheating partner out of it and replace that with a cheating accountant…. do you tell the clients he’s cheated? Or leave him because he’s personally happy?
Whose happiness is more important? The accountant’s or his clients’?
And if your answer changed… why did it change because the ROLES of the people were different?
If someone committed a murder in front of you, would you still leave them to do it because it makes them personally happy?
If you are anything except perfectly pleasant and loving, then you are unGodlike
We’ve confused Godlike with likability.
The general premise of most people is… when I meet God, I will recognize him/her, I will like him/her immediately, we’ll be on the same page and I will feel perfectly comfortable in God’s presence.
That’s likability and comfort.
You’ve decided that when you meet God you will like God and God will like you. In fact you probably even think God is like you and will be like you.
You can read more on this at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/arrogance-humility-in-spirituality
So when you act in a way that does not meet someone else’s standards of likability and pleasantry, it’s easy to label you unGodlike.
God will always be nice to me. I will always like God. God loves me unconditionally regardless of what I do.
So therefore…. if I don’t like what I see you doing then you must be unGodlike.
Well you might need to read a few books, like the Bible or A Course in Miracles, Kabbalah, Bhagavad-Gita. There’s a lot more to God than just sunshine and roses and love and light.
There’s a reason spiritual people are often termed warriors - God has some fight in him.
He’s also into all sorts of vengeance and wrath.
The Old Testament is just a constant cycle of God gives an instruction, Jews agree. Jews listen for a bit, then they go off the rails and break every commandment. Then God gets pissed and punishes them for years. Then they cry out and God forgives them.
Rinse and repeat.
In some of the worst cases where he got really pissed, he just destroyed the whole earth. Noah and the flood?
Yes he led the Jews across the Red Sea, but he crashed the waters down and killed ALL the Egyptians.
Yes he created man and loves him, but he also has a tendency to get really pissed off with how greedy and lazy and comfortable and entitled we are. And then he smites us.
I’ve yet to meet an advanced journeyer that hasn’t reached this conclusion - and we all reach the SAME conclusions.
After 35 years of constant affirmations that we all come to the same conclusions, I can tell you unequivocally that you can pick ANY path you want and the truth will be in there.
There is ONLY ONE TRUTH
Truth is absolute and not subjective at all.
And how can you see proof of this? Shadow Work, Ego, Dark Night of the Soul, Trial By Fire, Runner/Chaser…. none of these terms would exist unless these were pre-existing standards on the path.
On narcissists and psychopaths and being Godlike...
What’s even more insidious here is how this works backwards… all a psychopath has to do is meet your current set of standards of what you believe God to be - likable and approachable - and then they will be Godlike to you.
This is so easy for them to play you with, because as an empath (which all spiritual people are basically), you will run your mouth off and give away all the detail.
So learning - and sticking within - your boundaries of what is acceptable and Godlike is as simple as becoming your confidant and letting you speak.
Just because you like somebody - or even love them - does not make them trustworthy.
My measure of everything is ALWAYS truth
Truth has nothing to do with likability. You can dislike someone and hear truth - and you can like someone and hear untruth.
Truth stands independent of likability, making it a much more effective measure of the person and situation.
So when someone is bristling you with an issue like this, ask yourself:
- Am I feeling edgy because this is a truth?
- Does it apply to me somehow?
- Am I rejecting this because I dislike the person?
In the beginning you will find most stuff does apply to you.
It’s a great way to start understanding mirrors and the mirrors of relationship as an ongoing DIY healing tool that generates real results.
Read more about mirrors at
The Human Consciousness Scale and Morphic Field information can be viewed at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/the-human-consciousness-scale